If we were ever to be
by Strawberrygold
Summary: He was a king and she was a queen. To Caspian it made perfect sense, they were meant to be together.


Caspian the tenth was exhausted. He'd spent the entire of last night dancing and being introduced to so many lords and ladies that he almost forgot his own name. He had stayed up almost all night, speaking and laughing with friends and discussing royal matters with other lords. Today had been no easier, Aslan wanted to speak to the Telmarines and Narnians and Caspian was trying to get word around and make sure that everyone were to be present. But speaking to people who despised him and creatures who didn't even speak his language was no easy thing. (He had spoken to a rabbit for quite some time before he realised that it was just an ordinary rabbit.) The only thing Caspian truly wanted to do now was to sleep for a long time. Or maybe, be with Queen Susan.

Caspian hadn't meant to but he had developed some feelings for the Gentle Queen. And yes, it was her beauty that has gotten his attention first but he had soon learned that there was so much more to her than her outside appearance. He had quickly and deeply fallen in love with her logical way of thinking, her love for her family and her never ending courage. He wanted to know her, touch her and find out what seemed to be troubling her so often. He wanted to gather her up in his arms and hold her close for a while. And he wanted to kiss her. He was a king and she was a queen, weren't they meant to be together? A cough interrupted his thoughts.

"What is troubling you, my king?" Doctor Cornelius studied the young king with a wise gaze. "Is there anything I might do for you?" Caspian shook his head slightly.

"No, my friend, I am alright, I was mere lost in thoughts."

"Ah" Doctor Cornelius smiled knowingly. "Thoughts about who? A Queen of Old perhaps?"

Caspian's cheeks reddened.

"No, doctor. It is not Lucy who's taking up my thoughts. She's far too young."

"Except that she is 1300 years older than you." Doctor Cornelius chuckled. "But no, my king, it wasn't Lucy I was referring to." Caspian sighed.

"I do not even know what Queen Susan thinks of me."

"But I do, son. She and I quite discussed you yesterday and I do recall her mentioning how brave and just she believes you are. She truly admires how you gave your uncle a second chance." Caspian's chest filled with warmth. Doctor Cornelius eyes twinkled.

"Go talk to her, Caspian. Tell her how you feel."

Caspian rushed down the stairs and asked a surprised servant where he could find Queen Susan. She pointed outside and he took of. He hurried down some stairs and then he saw her. Her beauty still left him in awe. She was walking with Peter and Aslan and she had sorrowful look on her face. She met his eyes and quickly looked away. Caspian wasn't sure why it hurt so much.

 _I'm afraid that's just it, we're not coming back._

He was a king and she was a queen and they were a world apart.

Laying in his bed that night he allowed himself to imagine what their future might have been. He allowed himself to imagine them together, in love and joyful. He imagined a wedding where Susan would be the most stunning bride, all dressed in white and eyes shining with happiness. He imagined laying with Susan in their bed, speaking of everything and nothing. He imagined a child growing in her belly and they welcoming their newborn prince or princess into the world. He imagined a life with Susan at his side.

But it could never happen. He was a king and she was a queen and they were a world apart. So Caspian took these thoughts along with his memories of Susan's eyes and the taste of her lips upon his and put them deep inside him. He would take them out sometimes, in the dark at night, after a long and tiring day and remember. He would cry over the life that can never be his. He would remember their first and only kiss and replay it in his mind a thousand times over. His only comfort would be her name. But for now, he buried Susan deep into him and went to sleep.

He was a king and she was a queen but they were never to be.


End file.
